Skip to main content

May 2 2019 Victoria Indianapolis

On a foggy night such as this,
I fail to see a single star.
I try and try, but none are there.
My mind wants to trick me,
But I know it lies.
For there are no stars above me.

On these dark nights, darker than the others,
I always feel so alone.
I need to get over you. I need to get by this.
But I still love you.
I know I shouldn't.
For there are no stars above me.

I'm told "you can do it" "forget her"
Yet I think about you almost constantly
All that you were is all I'll ever need.
But that can't matter anymore.
Because you don't love me anymore.
For there are no stars above me.

Six months ago, I last saw you.
I wish I could say I'm okay
But my life is as clear as this night sky.
I felt it from you. I know it's real.
Yet I know you'll never be here again.
For there are no stars above me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A few weeks and i haven't written

This was originally supposed to be a daily or at least every few days thing. But lately I've been putting things off more and more. I hand wrote one down earlier this week but I'll probably not post it here. Besides, no one reads this anyways. But I'll update on things I said were going to happen last time. I didn't go out with Emma and Michael. So I still haven't. And I can't. She was too important to me. 35 days until the wedding. I think I want to be nice and offer to drive her up there. Mandi and pretty much everyone else thinks that's a terrible idea. And maybe it is. But it's still what I feel I *should* do. I don't think either of us get plus ones but if we do for some reason. And even less likely she brings a guy with her, I don't know what I'll do. There's no way I would ever even imagine bringing someone. Even if there was someone I would bring. I've had maybe one to two decent nights of sleep in the past month. Every nigh
Post a Comment
Read more

I'm barely holding on

I can't live like I am. I'm having a race to see what kills me first. Me on purpose or me on accident.  I'm hallucinating things because I can't sleep. I go literal days without talking to anyone. I haven't heard from Neil in over a month, Josh and I talk about once or twice a week, the last time before yesterday was Tuesday. And he's the last person I have talked to, outside of work and last Friday with Emma and the boys, in at least three weeks. I could die and no one would even know. I wonder if I should send her these letters I've written her. She's the reason I can't listen to the same songs that I used to. I bet I don't even run through her mind. I have to give up on her but it'll always hurt knowing she won't be alone.  I wonder if the thought of me ever keeps her up at night. It's been a lonely two months. I know I'm living in the city because there's no more stars above me. I have to remember to forget her. I won&#
Post a Comment
Read more

I'm going to die alone

Again this isn't a "I want to kill myself" thing.  This is just an observation.  As I sit here with Jed and Matt and Emily I feel so distant. I don't know how to get close to anyone anymore. I haven't been close to anyone in years. I was born alone and I'll die alone. But tonight it's more obvious than ever. I can't connect with people. I see everything like a movie. Maybe that's part of my issue. Even in bed, I feel so distant to my own body. I can't see a situation as it really is. Maybe that's some sort of disturbed cognitive functioning. I don't know. But nothing seems real because nothing is real. Even now, I see everything away from me. I don't feel like a person anymore. I'll never be able to connect with someone new because I can't even connect with myself.  Maybe I need to learn how to write or make movies.  Maybe then I'll learn how to do something correctly. And not fuck everything up. I know no one will
Post a Comment
Read more