It's been over a month since my last post. Since then I've realized I'm terrified of kids. Not terrified in a way like I don't like them being around me. Terrified as in when I think about being responsible for them, I freak out. So yeah, my feelings about Erin are dead. I've also actually had work since I last wrote, yeah it's only warehouse work, and yeah its only 3 days a week, 36 hours a week. But it's the first work I've had since February. So it's kind of important. I'm alone by myself for most of the time and I usually can only think about one thing at a time. That has nothing to do with the job. I think I'm losing myself more and more. Traci was gone for quite a while over the last month. She didn't get to see all of my compulsions growing. And now all I can think about is how she'll be better off without me, and how she probably has already moved on to someone new. She clearly doesn't want to be around me anymore.