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I'm barely holding on

I can't live like I am. I'm having a race to see what kills me first. Me on purpose or me on accident.  I'm hallucinating things because I can't sleep. I go literal days without talking to anyone. I haven't heard from Neil in over a month, Josh and I talk about once or twice a week, the last time before yesterday was Tuesday. And he's the last person I have talked to, outside of work and last Friday with Emma and the boys, in at least three weeks. I could die and no one would even know.

I wonder if I should send her these letters I've written her. She's the reason I can't listen to the same songs that I used to. I bet I don't even run through her mind. I have to give up on her but it'll always hurt knowing she won't be alone.  I wonder if the thought of me ever keeps her up at night. It's been a lonely two months.

I know I'm living in the city because there's no more stars above me.

I have to remember to forget her. I won't. But I have to.

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