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a new house, some new friends, a new life

Today marks the first full day I've been here. I still haven't met one of the roommates, since he hasn't gotten back from Ohio visiting his family.  Over the last day, I officially met Emma, 21. I've gotten a lot closer to Jed, 21. And today I met Michael, 24, Emma's boyfriend. Emma has the room next to mine, and we have a ton in common. Like a scary amount in common. I won't go into that now but yeah. But for those wondering, no, There is zero chance of me feeling attraction to her. she's six types of off limits and I want to see her as a friend and little sister more than anything.  She and I were up until 4 am last night just talking about things. She recommended a place in Fountain Square for my eventual tattoo. It was the same place that Bryan recommended too. So that's decided. I've deleted my facebook and instagram. Things that remind me of her, I just don't want. I hope the best for her but I want nothing to do with it.  I haven't taken my medicine in a few days and haven't felt the need to really.

Tonight, after Emma got home from her first official day teaching, teacher in-service day but still, she and I dealt with some ants and made dinner for the two of us and Michael when he came over.  Then the three of us worked on a paper that was due for Emma over l'Euridice, the oldest opera. My vague knowledge of Italian really helped since most of the letters and stuff are all in Italian. When Jed got home from work he and I watched some WGI videos while Emma and Michael went to bed. Matt is supposed to come home tomorrow. Emma probably will stay at her dad's tomorrow night since students go back on Wednesday.

This weekend was awful. But I think things will get better. I know I lost my "things I live for"  but I think I can find that again with this weird thrown together family here.

While everyone's sleeping in their bed, I'm wide awake lost in my head.  I'm so fucking tired and out of breath and it's been like this ever since you left. I was always more careless than careful, losing grips on things I cared for.
I'm breaking up the cycle of letting you pull me down. Empty promises won't save us now. The clarity of your voice has since turned to white noise and static.
What hurts the most isn't the fact that our lives changed. It's how I've become so obsolete but I'll thrive from what remains.

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